today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
