you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
