oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
