I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
