He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
