Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
