I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
