I smell stomach acid.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's official drugs can't kill me
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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