I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
