so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
