the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
