I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
