I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
