Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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