dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize