I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize