i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
