Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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