Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
