We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
