Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize