I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
