I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
