I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
