I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
