first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
