i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
