How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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