She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
