I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
My vagina just recognized that song.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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