i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
