Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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