I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize