You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
