You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
