i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
