in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Who died my cat blue again?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
