look no pants
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
