I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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