2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
