I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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