idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
