We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
