3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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