Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
