her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
