It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
