i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
