new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
