Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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