Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
