Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
