i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize