I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
