something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
