I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think your dad took our porno
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize