there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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