Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
that may or may not have been my penis.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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