No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
