Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
