Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
