Redeem this text for a blowjob
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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