you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize