we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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