How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
