Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
