I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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