I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
