Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
