I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You pole danced in your parka.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize