You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
