what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
