Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
