i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
