You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize