Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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