Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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