i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
