i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
where does the pee come out of this thing
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize