You can't motorboat a personality
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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