In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
