i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Found your dick twin last night
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Use "feeling words"
Yay
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
