Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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