having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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