We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
