As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
