Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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