Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
3 2 1 whiskey
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize