from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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