then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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