This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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