you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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