God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
