We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
