She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
