Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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