At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
