so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
