I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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