he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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