his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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