Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
