were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
