New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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